That LOVELESS 3rd Class ACTOR
by The Yaoi Goddess
Summary: 3rd Class Shin-Ra ACTOR Cloud Strife landed a project with his idol, Sephiroth. The project? A GAY MOVIE. But why isn't his bestfriend, 1st Class Zack Fair, happy about it? Jealousy's in the air and bodyguard Reno is feeding the rumor mill! ZC, SC, RC
1. A Moment of Courtesy

**Disclaimer: Crisis Core is Square Enix's.**

A Moment of Courtesy

"_Why me?" _ Cloud muttered as he stared at the glossy envelope with the words _Shin-Ra Agency_ under his door.

Sure, he auditioned for the part but he wasn't actually expecting to get it!

Hesitantly, Cloud reached for his phone and speed-dialed Zack.

" '_Sup, Spike?"_

"Zack, I… I got the part." Cloud sighed.

"_That's great!" _There was a pause. _"What part?"_

Cloud sighed even louder.

–––––

Hours later, the two ACTORs met up in Seventh Heaven to discuss Cloud's predicament over a few shots.

_A feeew shots._

Unfortunately, the phrase _a few shots_ didn't exist in Zack's vocabulary, not that he even had one, though.

It wasn't midnight yet but they were already _completely_ wasted.

"Y'know, Zack, it's not like I dun' like 'im," Cloud slurred. "I actually love 'ephiroth, y'know?"

Instantly, Zack sobered up. Then he choked on his drink.

"You WHAT?"

That was drunk talk… wasn't it?

"I _looove_ Sephiroth! _(hiccup)_ I'mma marry 'im som'day _(hiccup) _and we'll start a family!"

Zack gaped.

_Oookay,_ so his bestfriend, the love of his life, wanted to marry one of his friends and start a family of their own. That's. Just. Great.

And to think that he wanted to introduce Sephiroth to Cloud! So. Not. Happening.

The sound of Cloud dry-heaving brought him back to his senses but before he knew it, the barmaid had thrown them out.

Zack had to carry Cloud all the way back to the Shin-Ra building. He didn't mind, though. The blond was light and he used the time to ponder the things Cloud confessed to him.

Zack's mind had barely enough time to register the Shin-Ra building entering his line of sight when, all of a sudden, Cloud leapt off his back and dashed (Dash Materia be damned) to the nearest potted plant. He clutched the pot with his hands and threw his head down so violently Zack was surprised his face didn't get buried in the soil.

And then he vomited.

Zack rubbed soothing circles on his friend's back, not noticing when the Shin-Ra building doors opened and out stepped Sephiroth.

The 1st Class ACTOR, often referred to as General in recognition of his prowess, crossed the street and stood behind Zack.

"Angeal has been looking for you, Zack," Sephiroth _declared_, frightening Zack out of his skin _because it was around midnight, damnit,_ causing the latter to yank Cloud back by his shirt.

The back of Cloud's head met the pavement and he groaned in joy.

"Whoa, Cloud, buddy. Sorry," Zack helped the blond up, deciding that the best course of action right now would be to _get the intoxicated Cloud the hell outta here and awaaay from Sephiroth._

The General's eyes fell upon the familiar golden locks and blue eyes. Zack followed his catlike gaze and realized that, to his horror, Sephiroth was staring at Cloud.

"This is Cloud," he explained, motioning to the unmoving lump in his arms "my bestfriend."

_Take that, Sephiroth!_

He wishes it was something more, though.

"I _know. _3rd Class Cloud Strife. He is my partner for my next project." Sephiroth almost looked… _smug._

Zack winced inwardly. _Rub it in my face, will ya?_

"I'll, uh, be taking Cloud back to _my_ apartment now." Zack made a move to bridal style-carry the blond. "See ya, Sephiroth."

The blond, however, had other plans.

At the mention of his idol's name, Cloud pushed himself away from Zack and sashayed towards Sephiroth, still very much drunk.

How he managed to stay smelling pleasant even after just throwing up, Zack was dying to know.

"C-Cloud?" Zack swallowed nervously.

Oh no.

"Cloud," he tried again, louder this time.

Hell no.

Zack made a mad grab for Cloud but the blond shoved him away. Zack landed on his butt.

_Gaia above _no.

Cloud stopped in front of the General, his hair and clothes disheveled as he swayed slightly.

And then he righted himself and in all seriousness said to Sephiroth,

"Sephiroth, I'm Cloud. I love you. I want to have your babies."

A Moment of Courtesy

**Please review. Criticism is highly-appreciated! Fangirl-ing and squee-ing are absolutely welcome.**


	2. The Burdened

The Burdened

"_Sephiroth, I'm Cloud. I love you. I want to have your babies."_

–––––

After confessing, Cloud grinned like a fool who was madly in love. Wait – he _is_ one. _Don'ttellZack_.

And then he fainted.

Right into Sephiroth's waiting arms, mind you. Why Sephiroth was waiting, Zack would _kill _to know. Although he liked to think that the General caught Cloud purely out of reflex.

"Zack, I request that you leave Cloud Strife in my care for tonight."

Oh _nonono_, Zack wouldn't budge even if Gaia herself asks.

"Idon'tknowaboutthis, Seph," the First reasoned, eyeing Cloud and mentally calculating his chances of successfully snatching the blond away before he got a throat full of Masamune.

"I insist," Sephiroth, well, insisted. More like demanded, actually.

"He's really _veeery_ drunk," Zack made sure he emphasized drunk.

We wouldn't want Sephiroth to get any ideas because of that confession, now, would we?

"I can tell that you're drunk too, Zack."

"Nope, I'm sober." _Guess why._

Just then, as if by some divine intervention, Sephiroth's phone rang. Thank Gaia. Zack used this opportunity to run off with Cloud. However, he couldn't help but contemplate how unusual it was to receive phone calls around midnight.

_Oh well, Sephiroth is a busy man, after all._

–––––

" – then the mood kinda changed so you – "

"Zack, please."

" – ordered another drink and I did too – "

"Zack, stop talking."

" – but this guy besides me starts talking and I – "

"Zack! SHUT. UP."

The First inwardly sighed in relief. When Cloud awoke that morning with a hangover and asked him what happened, Zack was hesitant to tell the blond. But he didn't want to lie to his bestfriend so he gave an impressively boring and blow-by-blow account of that night, from how many shots they had of which drink and why he thinks the girls in that table are ogling him, in hopes that the blond would get irritated and shut him up before they got to the Sephiroth part.

And shut up he did.

If last night's Sephiroth-heart-event doesn't exist in Cloud's memory, it doesn't exist at all. And that was best for both of their hearts.

–––––

The morning passed uneventfully and that afternoon, Cloud was well enough to watch movies with Zack.

He persuaded Zack into watching the credits of a Shinra movie remake of LOVELESS Act II. He was actually waiting for Sephiroth's name to appear – _pleasedon'ttellZack –_ but all he got was _Directed by Genesis Rhapsodos, Starring Genesis Rhapsodos, Introducing Genesis Rhapsodos_.

Screw this movie.

Zack, on the other hand, was confused as to why Cloud wanted to watch the freakin' credits of some poetry-crap based movie roll. He figured it had something to do with the hangover-headache so he didn't mind. There was a more a pressing matter to attend to, after all.

"Cloud, you never told me about the movie you're working on."

"We haven't started it yet."

"I heard that it was some kinda feudal movie."

Cloud was _so_ not talking about _his_ role to Zack.

"So Spikey, which part do you play?"

"I, uh, the umm – " Cloud, who had his eyes glued to the TV screen throughout the whole conversation, suddenly stopped.

The credits ended and the screen changed to plain black to plain silver.

Zack grabbed the remote. "What's up with the TV?"

"No, don't!" Cloud nearly cried out. "I've heard about this! Don't change the channel, Zack."

_(The screen of silver was slashed into two to reveal the slim and slender silhouette of a walking Sephiroth. It was dark and there was not much to see. Then, there was an ear-piercing howl.)_

At this point, Zack, who knew where this scene was going, switched to another channel. Cloud gave an equally ear-piercing howl of "NOOO!" only to find out that the channel they landed on was playing the exact same thing.

_(Suddenly, the moon appeared overhead, casting a faint light over the forest. There, in front of the silver-haired man was a very oversized wolf. Sephiroth didn't look fazed. His eyes and hair glowed. His Masamune, which had just finished neatly halving the monster-wolf, glowed too.)_

By now, Cloud was practically melting in his seat and Zack was angrily switching through the channels. They were all showing the same footage of Sephiroth though.

_(Sephiroth then glared at the camera and continued walking, as if nothing happened.)_

Cloud started to swoon.

_(The silver screen was back but there was a silver bottle of shampoo on the side. In a deep, velvety, monotonous voice, Sephiroth spoke,_

"_Smooth and Silver. Sephiroth Shampoo. Comes in Rose and Vanilla. For the battles your hair has to fight. Limited edition.)_

After the commercial, all that remained of Cloud was a puddle of blond mush.

Zack, beside him, was indignantly sputtering some nonsense along the lines of "So hair fights battles now?" and "Limited edition, my ass! The stocks just disappear then reappear on the shelves with higher price tags!"

Cloud simply sighed contentedly.

"And why was he glaring at the camera!"

"Zack, he wasn't glaring."

"He sure was! He probably gave the poor cameraman a heart attack!"

"Zack," Cloud turned his whole body to face Zack. "He was giving us the Signature Stare."

"Signature WHAT?"

"That's the name according to the club members."

"Uh-huh. Anyway, how do you know about Sephiroth's upcoming commercials?"

"Huh?"

"Y'know, before the commercial? When you said 'I heard about this'?"

"Oh. Well, I'm an important club member, because I'm an ACTOR, you see? So The President sent me a message… about…that."

TMI moment, much?

"What club member?"

"Nothing."

"What. Club. Member?"

"It's. _Nothing_."

Before Zack could utter another word, his doorbell rang.

"Go get the door, Zack Fair!" Cloud barked.

Cursing, the First rolled off the couch and answered the door.

The blond exhaled in relief. He was _this_ close to being busted!

But, who cares if he and his idol were both male? Who cares if his 31-chapter "My Sword-Wielding Prince on A Silver Stallion" story won Best Literary Piece in the 19th Annual Sephiroth Awards? Who cares if he's a very valuable Silver Elite member?

Cloud had a feeling Zack would, so _don'tyoudaretellZackFair,_ mister!

Seconds later, the First walked back to the living room with a silver package in his hands and a dazed look on his face.

"It's for you, Cloud. I dunno how they know you're here, though."

"Who from?"

"Dunno. ACTOR who delivered it said the same."

Gingerly, Cloud tore off the silver wrapping and was met with a sight of hangover remedies and a MASTERED Esuna material.

"Whoa, buddy, whatcha got there?"

As Zack rummaged through the presents, a small silver letter caught Cloud's eye. The blond took it and undid the folds. Blood rushed to his face as he read the note, then he panicked.

"Zack, what should I do," Cloud seized Zack's arm with one hand and squeezed. "Gaia, Zack!"

When his arm started to hurt, (damn, that blond is stronger than he looks) the First gently pried Cloud's hand from his abused limb.

"What's wrong, Cloud?" In an attempt to soothe his friend, Zack placed a hand on the side of Cloud's face and ran his thumb over his cheek. "Tell me."

Cloud looked hysterical but, strangely, he was blushing.

"Hand me the note."

The Third obeyed.

Zack sat Cloud on his lap and rested a hand on the blond's hip.

(Talk about taking advantage of the situation.)

With the other hand, he held up the note which was written in an elegant cursive.

It read,

_Cloud,_

_I heard you went out to drink last night. I'm sure these would help. _

_If it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to meet up with you tomorrow. 10 AM at the Briefing Room._

_Let us use the time to get acquainted for our project._

_Sephiroth _

After reading, Zack placed his cheek on the blond locks, drafting a plan in his mind.

"Zack, what if I mess up in front of Sephiroth tomorrow?"

_Tactics confirmed. Accept mission? Yes._

"Don't worry, Spike. You won't," Zack grinned. "I'll guide you _every step_ of the way!"

The Burdened

**I want to finish this real soon.**

**BTW, Sephiroth's ringtone is The World's Enemy!**

**KyuubiTheKid****, ****sunset in love****, ****Talos Angel****,****Ruhina**, **as thanks for reviewing, you all get a copy of Cloud's 31-chapter "My Sword-Wielding Prince on A Silver Stallion". You have to pester Cloud for it; we aren't exactly on good terms…**

**Criticism is highly-appreciated! Fangirl-ing and squee-ing are absolutely welcome.**


	3. Scars of Friendship

Scars of Friendship

"_Don't worry, Spike. You won't, I'll guide you every step of the way!"_

–––––

After hearing Zack say these words, Cloud wiped nonexistent tears from his eyes and dramatically sobbed into the First's shirt as he drawled on and on about how 'he was eternally in Zack's debt' and 'how great a friend Zack was' and –

Did Cloud just call Zack a great _friend_?

"Zack, this is my first date!"

Did Cloud just call his meeting with Sephiroth a _date_?

"My first date," the blond continued to squeal. "With the General! _My first date! _Can you – "

"It's not a date."

Cloud slowly turned to Zack with half-accusing, questioning eyes.

"It's more of a… mission debriefing, I guess."

The confusion in those blue orbs gave way to disappointment and Zack almost felt guilty for unnecessarily bursting the boy's bubble.

Almost.

"Cheer up, Spike. You've been on lots of dates before."

The blond perked up. "Really? With who?"

"With me." Zack jammed a thumb to his chest, praying to Gaia, the Planet and _Genesis_ that Cloud would get his hint.

"Oooh," Cloud pressed his hands together. "So we're dating?"

Sweet and innocent mountain boy Cloud Strife did not know the implications his statement carried.

However, Zack did and he had to suppress the urge to bawl like big baby while reciting sappy line after sappy line of romantic drivel.

"Yes Cloud, we are dating."

By the time Zack had run out of pick-up lines to feed an unimpressed Cloud, it was already evening.

The blond asked his friend (Cloud refused to call Zack his _lover_) if he could stay the night and to Zack's dismay, he realized that Cloud wanted to stay the night and not _stay the night._

–––––

Cloud woke up later than usual and he blamed the dark-haired man sleeping on the couch (the blond refused to sleep in the same bed as Zack). Hastily, he brushed his teeth and got dressed before leaving for the Briefing Room.

The sound of his room door slamming against its frame jolted Zack awake.

"Cloud?" He called and when no answer came, he got up to check his clock.

10:14 AM.

'_Cloud must have left already.' _

Zack opened the drawer beside his couch to get his PHS and called the person he knew wouldn't be intimidated into immobilization by The Sephiroth.

Reno.

–––––

The redheaded Turk nearly jumped out of his skin when his PHS rang. He was sneaking around Rufus's office on a mission to sneak a peek on the newest recruits' files and he was _this_ close to the cabinet, damn it!

The PHS rang again, causing Reno to make a mad dash for the door in fear of getting caught. He didn't notice Rufus, who was walking towards his office with coffee in hand and a knowing smirk on his face.

"What," Reno hissed into his PHS upon entering the elevator.

"_You doing something, Reno?"_

"Well, Slick," Reno spat, "I _was_ doing something before _you_ called." He pressed the button for Lv. 49, thinking that since he didn't see the new recruits' files, he should just see the new recruits themselves.

"_I think Sephiroth's after my bestfriend_._" _Reno's temper didn't faze Zack.

The redhead stopped in front of the Briefing Room and recognized the flowing silver tresses of the General in question. Beside the General was a mass of ochre on a shorter frame. "Is your friend blond?"

"_You know Cloud?"_

"Nope. But I _do_ know Sephiroth." Reno ducked into the Materia Room, ignoring the curious stares of the scientists, and watched the pair disappear behind the elevator door. "They're heading out."

"_Where to?"_

"Dunno. But we're gonna find out."

"_We're gonna follow them?"_

"Yes. I'm a Turk. I _have_ to know all."

Let it never be said that Reno was being paid to be nosy.

–––––

Sephiroth was having a pleasant time with Cloud. The blond respected his personal space, was easy on the eyes and quiet – only talking when spoken to.

As they dined in a secluded spot in a fancy restaurant courtesy of Sephiroth and his hero status, the General noticed how ill at ease Cloud seemed to be.

"Is the food not to your liking, Cloud?"

Before Cloud could think, he blurted out to question plaguing his mind the whole time. "Are we dating?"

Sephiroth was taken aback by the blunt inquiry of the usually reserved blond. He knew, however, that this was the chance he was looking for. He needed someone to parade around as his lover if he didn't want Genesis spouting LOVELESS on his heels and Cloud was the best company he have had in a while.

"Yes, we are," he answered with a low, intentionally seductive chuckle.

If anything, Cloud looked even more uncomfortable. This was not the reaction Sephiroth was expecting.

"Do you not wish to be dating me?" The General's ego told him this was impossible.

"I'm sorry, _sir_," the blond sighed. "I like you…"

Sephiroth smiled. Now _this _he expected.

"…But I'm dating Zack."

Scars of Friendship

**The details of Sephiroth and Cloud's project will be revealed in the next chapter!**

**KyuubiTheKid****, ****MeykoLove****, ****Ruhina****, ****Stoic-Genius****, I hope you all received your bottles of Sephiroth Shampoo!**

…**You didn't? Damn it, Sephiroth!**

**Criticism is highly-appreciated! Fangirl-ing and squee-ing are absolutely welcome.**


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